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Im Sorry I couldn't stand by him I turned 20 in 1973. From then until 1979, I was married to a Vietnam veteran 6 years older than me. He'd already been in the Navy for 6 years -- 4 years on an aircraft carrier, then 2 years volunteered for river boats. He never hit me so I never called it "abuse." But sometimes when he was depressed and drunk, he would take one of his guns,a sawed-off twelve gauge or a .30-30 rifle, and say he was going to kill himself, other times he'd say he was going to kill me, too. I probably looked down the barrel of a gun held by a PTSD's Viet vet at least a dozen times. I still have nightmares about it. It still affects my relationships. I still have PTSD from my experience. In 1979, I left him. I still think of him often. I hope he has somewhere, somehow, found someone who can help him get help.He wasn't an evil person; he had an evil experience. If I were to encounter him today, I'd apologize that I wasn't the one that could help him. To those of you who haven't been able to stand by your vets, I understand. To those of you who have been able to stand by your vets, thank you.

Adventure in grief I am a Vietnam Veteran’s widow. My husband, John, served with the Australian army in Vietnam in 1968-69 and killed himself in 2000. For the last two years of his life his extreme reactions to post- traumatic stress dominated our lives and pushed us both to the edge of sanity. Other veteran wives will understand how I could continue to make dinner while John threatened to shoot himself. On a Thursday in December he finally killed himself. I have spent the last eight years putting myself back together again and, it turns out after talking to Danna, dealing with secondary PTSD. It has been a roller coaster of dark nights, debilitating physical responses and emotional disintegration but also of discovery and ultimately a joyful self-awareness. More specially, the deep love I had for John, which had been challenged by his PTSD, sits peacefully and easily in my heart now.

25 Years by his side After 40 years, my husband is finally getting the psyche and medical treatment he needs. Unfortunately it came close to the cost of his life. After two years of surviving on creative renditions of chicken and beannie weanie dinners, the money from over 25 years, of both of us working over time, was almost gone. Thoughts of living on the street were not encouraging at the age of 60. So began the humiliating efforts of applying for compensation. After two years of paper shuffling, doctor visits, and horrendous medications, my husband finally got his permanent and total 100% disability for service related PTSD. His comment when the papers arrived? " I would gladly give it all back, if I could only go back to work like I used to." With his determination came life threatening medications, and a severe loss of self pride. I have stood with him for over 25 years, and plan to be here from now on. But it breaks my heart in any case. My only hopes at this point are that the vets returning today will not be forgotten nor looked down upon. A Marine Widows Battle I would like to begin by telling you I am a widow, of a Vietnam Veteran. He was a highly decorated Marine. which including purple heart Bronze Star With Valor, and also Marine/navy commendation award with valor. After I received his military records, I knew where it was stationed and saw where Agent Orange had been sprayed heavily in that area. But, I don't think it my lifetime, we will ever get the truth, and the list of presumptive illness is a joke. He had been stationed at Camp LeJeune, after leaving Vietnam Nam after 2 tours. He suffered from PTSD, but both of us didn't understand his anger issues. Although an extremely hard worker, his anger caused him to lose a lot of jobs. His last job, caused him to suffer big time from PTSD. He couldn't get a job, gee sounds familiar, age was probably the issue. The only jobs he found were, picking up bloody dear parts as a garbage collector, or delivering coffins and lining them in the warehouse. Nice jobs for a Veteran with PTSD, he received 100 percent disability because of unemployable because of his PTSD which my then had really become severe. He nightmares would always wake us up. But he never remembered them. I went the route of unemployablity because that was the fastest way. But, afterwards I thought wow, thank god its over I don't have to deal with VA anymore. Well surprise, because of terrible care at the Veterans Medical Center, he did not even have a chance to fight for his own life, he died 4 weeks after being diagnosed with primary liver cancer. My life was pure hell, and I have had to fight the VA for widows benefits for 2 1/2 years. That is actually relatively fast for VA and especially their appeal process. It was one long nightmare, but I learned too much I think about the VA and the fact that it is one big MESS. Even with the aid of a Senators office, the mix ups and losing evidence was terrible. But I kept plowing ahead. I am disabled on Social Security and my son is also, he has autism. So we suffered big time financially, during this process but that motivated me to push as hard as possible, it was like having a full time job, but harder. It affects ones health. The emotional strain is horrible. I thought after all this, it is about time that Widows and wife's of Vietnam Veterans make a big noise so Washington takes notice. This will not be tolerated anymore. I found out the hard way that the VA Medical Centers and Hospitals are immune from liability, or accountability, wow, considering medical errors are the number one killer in America, 765.000 a year die of them, this comes out of Johns Hopkins, now mind you that is with accountability and liability, not us we must sue the US, and the US has enacted laws that affect the widow directly, making it almost impossible to find an attorney, while the US has an army of them working for them. I won't list the changes in the laws, I have found, because this is already long. But how all these laws slipped by the women of America is shocking. While we worked and took care of children, and stressed out about life's problems, our rights have been shaved away. I want to go to Washington, and make some noise. Committees and groups are fine, but America is not taking notice. If women unit which is hard, men can unit but woman have a real problem doing that and I am aware of that, but if they did, things would change. I feel if men can unite like the Million Man March, why not women, after all we have to fight for benefits, our husbands have PTSD, By the way, I just received a letter stating that I won my appeal for my husbands service related death, based on Camp LeJeune, by the VA doctor, couldn't get anyone to write that because of the white coat of silence up in upstate NY. So it can be won, but it is really hard. So keep up the good work, I would like to pick out a date in the Spring or Summer, to show Washington how unfair the VA is to widows and unjust. I have worked in a teaching hospital mostly on acute medical floors and ICU's and saw the worst care possible to our Veterans. If you are interested in pushing for real progress I am interested in helping but just to offer support, no, we need to demand changes, so other widows from the new wars will get justice. Julia Compton Moore (February 10th 1929 - April 18th 2004)

Julia Compton Moore was not only an army wife, but an army daughter, and an army mother. Throughout her life she had had to deal with the aftermath of war, and had to watch the men she loved leave for war. He father fought in World War 2, Her Husband (Cr.Hal Moore) who fought and was wounded in Korea, and then her son continued the legacy and fought in the 82nd Airborne Division in Panama and the Gulf War.

__ Julia Compton Moore Award __

"Mrs. Moore's actions to change Pentagon death notification policy in the aftermath of the historic battle of the Ia Drang Valley represents a significant contribution to our nation. Prior to Mrs. Moore's intervention, Pentagon policy was to notify families by a telegram delivered by cab drivers. It serves today as a shining example of one of Mrs. Moore's many contributions to the morale and welfare of the Army family." - The Ben Franklin Forum's Press Release

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